Being a Teen Mom...My Story

My name is Wendy and I became a parent at 15. This is my story.

I was just your average 15 year old girl. I was a freshman in high school and had a steady boyfriend. I hung out with my friends and gave my mom a hard time. Then everything changed. I had been feeling bad for awhile but didn't think anything about it. I told my boyfriend and he asked if I could be pregnant. It hadn't occurred to me until then. I took a test the next morning and found out for sure. I was in shock and was terrified to tell my mom. She had been down this road before with my sister. One afternoon I was doing the dishes, my mom asked if I was pregnant. It surprised me and I didn't know how to respond so I just said "I don't know." She informed me that we would be finding out first thing in the morning. The hardest part was coming out and telling her that, yes, I was. I felt like I had let her down. She smiled and said well I guess we need to figure some things out. We got home and she said I needed to decide what I wanted to do about it. I stared at her and answered that I was having a baby, I didn't know what there was to decide. She explained that I had options and she would support whichever one I went with. I knew immediately that abortion was out of the question. It just wasn't right. I considered adoption but shortly decided that wasn't right either. I had gotten myself into this situation and I needed to handle it like the adult I pretended I was. I was going to be a mother.

In May, 1992, I got married. It seemed like the thing to do. Things went along fairly well for the next month or so until I started having contractions. Not a good thing considering I wasn't due until early October. I was in and out of the hospital for the rest of the pregnancy and confined to bedrest. The bed rest part wouldn't have been all bad except I had a husband that expected me to make his lunch every morning and dinner every night, regardless of what the doctor said. That should have been a red flag but I didn't see it. He began to drink even more and then missing work and eventually lost his job. This was to be the pattern for the next few years. Finally early September came around and after a visit with the doctor I was told I no longer had to take my medication or stay in the bed. He said the baby was healthy and if I went into labor, we would let it progress this time. That's exactly what happened. My contractions started a few hours later. Finally, at 1:26 P.M. the following afternoon, September 10, I gave birth to Marissa. Healthy, 6 pounds 10 ounces and a head full of black hair. She was perfect. Three weeks later, I spent my Sweet 16 changing diapers and getting up every 2 hours to feed a newborn.

Fast forward 3 years. We had moved all over town, back and forth with various relatives. He had lost more jobs than many people have in a lifetime and he was officially, an alcoholic. He had also turned abusive towards me. I left several times but he always charmed me into coming back. I came home from work one night and found him sitting outside with my sister in law (& best friend), my daughter and my niece, who was a year younger than my daughter. Seeing them sitting there, drinking and giggly, made the puzzle pieces fall together. I asked them flat out how long the affair had been going on. Both had that deer in the headlights look. I went in and packed a few things for myself & Marissa and went to my mothers. We never went back.

I had lots of struggles after I left him, financially and emotionally. As always, my mother was my rock. I made a lot of bad decisions as a mother too. She was always safe, and taken care of, and always knew she was loved though. I eventually met a man that I became very close too. Later on, he became more than a friend. My daughter was a very shy little girl and absolutely would not talk to anyone new, and certainly not a man. My friend showed her the blue light on his watch and before I knew it, she was in his lap giggling. I knew right then, I would marry him. Two years later, that's just what I did. The picture above is Marissa getting ready to walk me down the aisle.

Fast forward a couple more years and it's been pure hell with my ex-husband over child support and his drinking when he has my child and everything else. He calls on Friday afternoon just hours before he's supposed to pick her up for the weekend and informs me that he is done. I asked him to please explain what that meant. He replied to call my attorney because he was giving up his parental rights. For all the stupid things he had done, he never missed visitation or gave any indication that he wanted to do this. I figured out later his new wife gave him a choice and he chose her over his daughter. Several months and a few thousand dollars later, his rights were terminated and my daughter was adopted by my husband. She was hurt and confused but excited at the same time. Now she would have the same last name as me and her baby sister. All we could do was to make sure she knew how much she was loved by everyone.

She's 18 now and it has been difficult at times, to say the least. I think one of the things that teen moms worry about more than other moms is their daughter becoming a teen mom themselves. I've seen it happen all too often. I was certainly terrified of that. I didn't want her to struggle like I did. I never got to finish high school and finding a good job was always hard. All I could do was talk, listen and pray. I guess it worked. The picture below is from Jr Prom, something else I never got to do. She graduated early, while working 2 jobs to save for college. She recently moved out on her own and started college. I couldn't be more proud. Don't get me wrong, she was far from being an easy child to raise. We butted heads more times than I care to remember but overall, I think I did a pretty good job. I had plenty of family support which more than what a lot of teen moms can say.

Someone asked me once, if I could go back and change things, would I? No, I don't think I would. Having her young made me grow up. It made me who I am today, and in turn, made her who she is. We had fun along the way too. I was young enough that I could still relate to her and her friends all said I was the "cool" mom.

The bottom line is, it's hard and it's scary. It was also exciting at times. I had to learn some life lessons the hard way but I wouldn't change a thing.